thanks....

I guess you're not getting your book back.... Childish? Maybe. But if you won't return texts, and or calls - well, let's just say that if you want this biography of rothko back you're gonna have to pick up the phone. I'm not even going to read it.

See me, want me, give me, trust me. Feed me, fuck me, love it, touch me. This whole world is cold and ugly. What we are is low and lovely. I am the most beautiful boogie man. The most beautiful boogie man. Let me be your favorite nightmare. Close your eyes and ill be right there.

shit

I'm in one of those fuck everyone moods - but also in one of those i need someone to talk to anonymously moods - I hope this doesn't last long

tonight...

One of the better decisions in the past three months was to go out tonight... I'm glad I did... more to come

I fly in my dreams

I have had the same flying dream for years.... It feels real, natural, and it means that I am in control if only for that brief moment of lucid dreaming. The last flying dream I had - i came to a decision, or rather came to a conclusion. One - I need a haircut, and two....well look at this. People think I'm buggin or I have the heebiejeebies The reason they can't find me is because they can't see me

livestrong

oops I lied.....

losing

I am quickly losing interest......pet peeve - If you say your going to call, please call or a simple text - saying you're busy... pretty simple shit, it's called being considerate.

is anybody out there?

I am writing again.... It feels good - since I really don't have anyone to talk to about this... ( I do, but choose to let whomever stumbles on this blog, to read it) I am still using blogger.com because I can rest easy that since it's not tumblr or wordpress - I know that not a lot of people are cruising this site. 6 years ago or even 7 i had a lot of readership, and I was almost forced to write in it everyday. mainly writing what I wanted people to believe about me - make myself sort of more than what I am. Now I am using it as an online journal..... writing the stuff thats in my head so I can sleep or get through the day - I made a rule years ago after a few too many incidents - that I was only able to have my freak-outs at home - now I have a new rule since technology has advanced I can no longer text ppl what I am really thinking at anytime - or at least wait 10 minutes to calm down and then respond..... ( she told me that she might have to go to north carolina - but I still had a minor freak out - because that was two cancelled dates in one week) she has not lied to me,( recently) but I am always over thinking things.

not sleeping

Insomnia sucks..... especially when I know the reason behind it - a crazy flakey beautiful woman is the culprit this time - but thinking back most ofthe time thats the culprit.... I deactivated my facebook page so I could sleep - and that helped for 24 hours, but this ..... this is crazy - I may have to let this one go so I can sleep I don't even know If I actually like her - I must because I'm not sleeping - It hasn't been this bad since Francine. Its a good thing I have three weeks of alone time to fight through this - It may take that long.

Can we be friends...?

This is sort of a follow up from the post below .... so after a ten day no contact period - I hesitantly decided to text her... and she apologized and said how she had no intention of hurting me ... etc and asked can we be friends..... I said yes - and we went out to a movie last week..... There are still those red flags that happened in the past that make me a bit worried about where ever this may be headed - I used to like her - now I'm not so sure - I'm curious to see how long this friendship will last I met her youngest daughter and I know I will eventually meet her other daughter... I initially just wanted to have sex with her - but at this point that would make things super complicated.... I think I need to travel again..... I'm getting confused.

crickets.....

If you didn't want to know the answer, why did you ask?