scream

sometimes I just want to scream..... but I can't
two years with my head down - shoulders slumped
scorned, disenfranchised ( marginalized) unfettered

sometimes i need to scream - but usually walk away
with my fingers pointed to my temple
pulling the trigger -
but again that wouldn't solve anything
because i still walk away -
in the midst of a day dream
and i wake up - in the middle of
clutching sheets -
air - wind - anything
to feel real

screaming again - but my words are snatched
stolen, borrowed -
consigned


i go to sleep most nights - not wanting to wake up
most mornings
but i do - because i have no choice -
ultimately ....
i do it for everyone elses benefit
i can't fathom how the family would tolerate
my taking my own life
which is the only power i have at the moment