one year later....

Still the same shit. I am having a really bad day... Two things have prompted this downward spiral, both one is self inflicted - I met someone while in mexico city for vacation, truly random - but worthwhile, but me being me - and my rules of dating - today is the 6 week mark - the time where I usually self sabatoge and walk away this felt different - it is different, I really like her-and I'm scared - rather get the heartbreak over now before it kills me somewhere down the line - ( not even thinking about her feelings - because she likes me tolerates me ) the funny thing is she did nothing wrong, at all. It's me, It's always been me since i started dating, something stupid would happen and I'd run away... I'm trying to change this and she is worth the change even if it doesn't work out, it'll be a mutual decision not some stupid shit on my part. part two is the internship ( possible) in paris may not happen - which would also kill me , but slowly... I am very good at telling people to not worry about the things you can't control, but I worry about that shit constantly.... enough to lose sleep at night... I should be really happy now , but I'm miserable