In need of a distraction...

I've been good.... only allowing my freak outs to happen at night while I am in the bed... sleeping. I can't let these happen in the real world anymore the last one was when I walked out on my job. But it was understandable or justified.... The freak outs now are always dating related. I fucked up the one with Liliana big time, by being paranoid and slightly stalkerish. It took me a while but I realized that this situation was crazy. I was in another country just heard about the possible job in paris and the first time I actually let myself fully grieve for my father who passed away a few years earlier. Also that time of year in Mexico was day of the dead celebration. Needless to say my emotions were raging all over the place and to add a possible love/lust interest was too much and I folded onto myself and imploded. I think we may still be friends but I think she thinks I'm crazy and I am.

I am in need of a distraction while this possible new dating prospect is out of the country. I saw her on Thursday and probably won't see her before she leaves which is this Wednesday, and she gone ten days after that. But I also have to take into consideration she won't be able to see me either....