Wednesday, December 4, 2013


having a random conversation with a friend ( new ) who has replaced my best friend who died killed herself - she talked me down from doing something stupid tonight - i can't tell her anything otherwise.... not sure how I'd feel if I knew someone was suicidal and i helped them - to not do it - wondering if i would help them to do it....

Friday, November 8, 2013

what time is it???

It's been a while.... I've been back and forth with my life - another friend died - another woman decided to only go out with me once... I'm looking for a job - here in this area but it seems that I will have to move, probably after the holidays because I know that once I start cooking again I will devote my whole life back to food - and It hasn't been my best decision ... I have been posting here as well

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

finally over...

best e-mail ive written in a long time.... Glad we spoke today…… I did have feelings for you - but those have lessened as time has passed - why I haven't been in contact with you for the past few weeks - need to step away for a bit I understand your situation completely - but I have to admit after three years of totally dedicating my life to my mom and family after my dad passed - fortunately or unfortunately the first time I decided to do things for me - and actually let myself even begin to like someone - you were there. and I think I just had three years of pent up " stuff " and needed to get it off my chest - It was necessary in the healing process to let my guards down for a bit and I thank you for letting me do that - or putting up with it or tolerating it - I'm glad we hung out - etc…. I tend to express myself better in writing than speaking…. again glad to get everything out in the open… and we both can move forward.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

fuck you....

i knew it..... even if you pencil me in on your calendar - and i know that you are going to cancel.... i gave you the option the day before to be considerate to at least cancel - and not wait until the day of and tell me or not tell me at all.... smh

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Saturday, March 30, 2013


I guess you're not getting your book back.... Childish? Maybe. But if you won't return texts, and or calls - well, let's just say that if you want this biography of rothko back you're gonna have to pick up the phone. I'm not even going to read it.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

See me, want me, give me, trust me. Feed me, fuck me, love it, touch me. This whole world is cold and ugly. What we are is low and lovely. I am the most beautiful boogie man. The most beautiful boogie man. Let me be your favorite nightmare. Close your eyes and ill be right there.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013


I'm in one of those fuck everyone moods - but also in one of those i need someone to talk to anonymously moods - I hope this doesn't last long

Monday, March 25, 2013


One of the better decisions in the past three months was to go out tonight... I'm glad I did... more to come

I fly in my dreams

I have had the same flying dream for years.... It feels real, natural, and it means that I am in control if only for that brief moment of lucid dreaming. The last flying dream I had - i came to a decision, or rather came to a conclusion. One - I need a haircut, and two....well look at this. People think I'm buggin or I have the heebiejeebies The reason they can't find me is because they can't see me


oops I lied.....