a first

the first time in almost 16 years I've taken a job in food - where I don't have to cook. I like the fact that I can go to work - be at work and come from work and have little to no stress.
also i think i get to meet a mentor - or mentee tomorrow.

hidden meaning part 2

me no like the game

if you didn't want me to call you
don't give me your number

i'm an adult
be honest with me.

hidden meaning...?

If you worked with sodexho on our campus - I'd be able to see you.

wonderings

every other day is a still a struggle

waking up eating and going back to sleep
this hole i'm in
is not really deep
but its slippery

i want for so much
( i want to go to there )
but mainly
having these horrible thoughts
not be so frequent

a new female friend sked me
what makes me happy
and i still have no answer

thats it

the best thing....

this is possibly the best thing I've heard concerning me.

" My girlfriend is fucking a black guy! " A woman speaking about me to her girlfriend.

which way?

not believing

i refuse to believe that we just die....

just not wake back up

as much as we suffer through just living
it would be a shame
to realize that
there is nothing

random stuff

wondering if i do this just for me to read - or to write

for others to read

stuff on my mind -

will i still go with my plans and throw in the towel
and no longer cook - sort of waiting for the 7 emu's - to talk me into jumping.....
but i jump any way but i always wake up - in the same place here.

laura dawn drunk in sedona and leaning in to say that she loves me
and somehow i fucked that up


i feel stuck - not many options
waiting for the leaves to fully develop
and then only waiting for them to fall in the fall
so i await my new beginning only to drop and decompose.

i have a catering proposal out that hasn't been confirmed
so i wait ... but i had hoped to be ahead of the game
but like my life is right now - a clusterfuck

my dad is always on my mind
so now i am wondering who will die next - and the ramifications....


other than that everything is fine.

mnnnmn

southwest senior ticket privileges

free window seat
choice of pureed foods
free wheel chair upgrade
map of plane
silent movie channel
southwest tennis balls for front of walker
free oxygen
seeing eye dog
helper monkey - ( puts straw in mouth)
free dose of "senior moment" vitamins
pre chewed - senior moment vitamins
first on plane first off
seat in aisle in back
extra padded seat
afghan to keep you warm
hearing aid for movies -
aarp magazine

map of plane just in case you lose first one
note pad and pen to write notes
clip to clip note pad to chest
oatmeal as choice of food - (cream of wheat for the negroes)
card to give south west employees telling them who you are and where you are going
muzzle - just in case of senior moment in mid air
alka seltzer, mylanta and dulcolax gift pack
magnifying glasses for reading - available from 3 x to 12x - all colors available

words

time…….

travel -

given the chance
to go back
or
to continue ahead


i keep dropping into
unfamiliar months
watching
waiting for that one two word sentence

and i'm off
slightly askew
limbs no longer akimbo

head first
shall i dare to stop time
and wait for you to say i don't …. again

or I won't or can't or shouldn't
or maybe not….

I won't
I can't

I shouldn't care as much as i do
(I don't care)
maybe i should

i keep chasing
and running away from time -

i fear that one day i will run out
and that one day i will have all i need
and not know what to do with either