selling myself short

over the years i've settled - in a promise for just working for the sake of money
i'd sell my self short and take lower pay

this meant at times - taking on less responsibility - which is fine
but also sacrificing quality - and creativity

the job i had in tucson - not only was i in management - we were a 95% from scratch kitchen
fresh fish flown in from california 4-5 times a week

to the next job where we were pulling stuff from the freezer - fish, meat vegetables, desserts and i was trained to do the opposite

i'm not gonna accept anything less anymore

award winning chef....

I won an award - or rather the bed and breakfast when i was executive chef won an award in 2005 - it was " Best Breakfast in the U.S.A. " by some non descript b&b magazine.

but i'll take it

7 day rotation for dinner

i made this for my sister - as a cheat sheet to get 6 days worth of meals



7 day rotation

day 1

roasted chicken
baked potatoes - make 4
roasted veggies - ( to include carrots, onions, and whatever is fresh )

save chicken for stew
keep roasted veggies for stew
keep other potatoes

day 2

grilled/ roasted salmon - 4 portions
rice pilaf -
sauteed zucchini and cherry tomatoes

make extra rice and 2 extra portions of salmon

day 3

chicken " stew "
use extra chicken from day 1
and extra roasted veggies from day 1
over the rice pilaf from day 2


day 4

use extra fish from day 2
to make salmon cakes
sauteed corn and red pepper
home fries from the baked potatoes from day 1


day 5

pork chops
cous cous with veggies nuts and fruits
steamed spinach - enough for 4 portions

save spinach



day 6

grilled steak
smashed red potatoes ( same as mashed potatoes but red and keep the skin on )
use spinach from day 5 to make creamed spinach



day 7

free day

favorite smell

i love the smell of women's hair that has just been washed, but not completely dry .

Lime Orange Pineapple Bars

Crust
1 cup butter
2 cups flour
½ cup powdered sugar
¼ teaspoon salt

Filling
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
4 Tablespoons flour
3 Tablespoons Orange Pineapple Juice
3 Tablespoons lime juice
zest of one lime



Blend first four ingredients and press into a 9 x 13-inch pan. Bake 15 minutes at 350 F. Do not let top brown. Cool 5 minutes. Beat together remaining ingredients and pour over pastry. Bake at 350 F for 25 minutes. Remove from oven and while warm, sprinkle with powdered sugar. When cool cut into squares.

food blog???

i have been cooking a lot lately
but i am posting the pictures on other sites
because i know they will get seen by possibly more people
but i think i will post more food photos on here as well.

aloo paratha

made these yesterday - they seem to work out well
may need to adjust the seasonings a little more

i used white flour instead of whole wheat
and the filling was potatoes, red onion, jalapeno, curry, coriander, chili powder and tumeric.

no sleep

i am still a bit concerned that i have not fully grieved the loss of my father, or grieved correctly - if that even makes sense.
and i am still in a state of confusion and cloudy-ness because ever since dad died - my life has completely stopped - everything i do is helping out the family. not that i don't have time for myself, but my thoughts are all about what everyone else needs not me.

not sure if it is obvious or not, but since ive been back i ve been out by myself in a social setting like twice
i moved away from tucson because of the rut *(hole)* i was in only to get here and the hole is deeper
but familiar - i hope things get better

i know that i will never get over the death of my dad
i just hope that each day will get better
and i wont experience too many set backs.

Happy Birthday Dad.


i miss you -

waiting.....

i seem to be always waiting
or seemingly waiting always

for someone to tap me on my shoulder
and say wake up.
or turn on the lights and say get up.
or waiting for a phone call saying
it's time

or even that dude, telling me that's its time
and i laugh and say with relief - it's about time.

it's really all about time.
i don't care it seems
what time it is
what day it is
the fact that i don't wear a watch
or have an alarm clock to talk shit to

justifies me sleeping
justifies me

i wait
for anything out of the ordinary
to shake me loose
and set me free or freer

The Day My Father Died

The day my father died
I could not cry;
My mother cried,
Not I.

His face on the pillow
In the dim light
Wrote mourning to me,
Black and white.

We saw him struggle,
Stiffen, relax;
The face fell empty,
Dead as wax.

I'd read of death
But never seen.
My father's face, I swear,
Was not serene;

Topple that lie,
However appealing:
That face was abscence
Of all feeling.

My mother's tears were my tears,
Each sob shook me:
The pain of death is living,
The dead are free.

For me my father's death
Was my mother's sorrow;
That day was her day,
Loss was tomorrow.

Mervyn Morris The Pond, 1973

red this then destroy

read..... read

i done did it.
no seriously.
i went from writing, and thought forming
to using actual sentences.

and it worked.
or so it seems
i can talk - my fear or rather hatred
of using the phone -
has been thwarted

that is all.

forced

being forced to do something - you really don't want to do is a necessary evil -
but - when family is involved - that makes it even more precarious

especially when it involves my nemesis the swimming pool.