sense of purpose

the past few days i've found out two things
what i shouldn't be doing and what and or when to know when to let go.
if i get home and my father is well or weller
then that is what it is
if he's not
then again i'm ready for that
i have not seen anyone close to death before just right after
or a few days after

never the time before
the time tht they are circling the bowl - so to speak

i don't know - really what gonna go down with my father's heart being monitored 24/7
waiting for abnormalities
if i could trade places with him i would
but that wouldn't solve anything
he'd be worried for me
and according to an old proverb

grandparents die
parents die
children die

this is the natural order