whoever's reading this keep reading

all I asked for was a distraction - something similar to this but as it always happens - this distraction has turned into another first date.. I will always say yes to a date... you really need to get back from vacation.

stop doing stupid shit

You are on vacation here. 5500 miles away. I wanted a distraction - I got a few distractions which was harmless and quite entertaining. You need to hurry back - My distractions are turning into me doing stupid shit.

Stupid shit. If you found out what I was doing - whatever we are doing - friends, casual dating - whatever would end. I know if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be very angry and upset which are two different things. You don't deserve that - I need to stop but I've been doing stupid shit like this since freshman year of college. I just met you. I don't want you to end up in my list of what if's. It's horrible there.

Rules of Engagement

.....click here.....

Update...

Only allowed to have my freak outs in bed at night in the safety of my room, and to write about them here.

Help me.....

I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop..... I am always assuming that this will end badly and possibly steer it that way. I'm trying to figure out the why's behind it. Was it the rejection of so many women in my past - or friend zoned was it the death of Sheila or better yet my only truly female best friend back in 2009. was it my sabatoge of my relationship with Rocky - even though she was married and had children back in her country. Was it the failed relationship with francine - obviously she wanted a friend and me much more than that. Who would have someone that has a crush on them and is driving all the way to Laguna beach to spend time with them. Have them meet a man (" this is the man I cheated on my husband with!")and think nothing of it. She is living with someone now and wants me to come out to australia and work for free and witness her fucking some other dude when she wouldn't even fuck me.... or i could be completely oblivious and it was me that fucked all of this up.....

In need of a distraction...

I've been good.... only allowing my freak outs to happen at night while I am in the bed... sleeping. I can't let these happen in the real world anymore the last one was when I walked out on my job. But it was understandable or justified.... The freak outs now are always dating related. I fucked up the one with Liliana big time, by being paranoid and slightly stalkerish. It took me a while but I realized that this situation was crazy. I was in another country just heard about the possible job in paris and the first time I actually let myself fully grieve for my father who passed away a few years earlier. Also that time of year in Mexico was day of the dead celebration. Needless to say my emotions were raging all over the place and to add a possible love/lust interest was too much and I folded onto myself and imploded. I think we may still be friends but I think she thinks I'm crazy and I am.

I am in need of a distraction while this possible new dating prospect is out of the country. I saw her on Thursday and probably won't see her before she leaves which is this Wednesday, and she gone ten days after that. But I also have to take into consideration she won't be able to see me either....

Almost......

So here we are - the age of only being able to date while I am unemployed. Or rather only meeting quality women when I am unemployed. Here she is. So she is busy.... I am not. When I start working again we will be both busy. Not even second date yet but preparing for the worst. We first met over a year ago but nothing came of it. When I say met we met online but no in person meeting. blah blah blah..... to now - one successful date awaiting second date. Trying not to get bored.