words....

I am bracing for the other shoe - we met before online of course. I remember her but for the life of me I don't remember why I stopped chatting with her. I have to think it was me who stopped. Was I bored, did I think it wouldn't go anywhere? was i bored.... Did I push her away which I do really well... Did I tell you that I've lost a lot of people since 2009? People dying left and right. Did I mention I lost a woman very close to me... a woman that I loved. Did I tell you that our last conversation was a huge fight and I told her that I would never speak to her again She got into the wrong crowd after that. Drugs - selling and using. she became addicted and eventually lost her life - no one knows what happened. she was found in a bathtub overosed on some drug and drowned. or she killed herself.... my sister said she wanted to die - and she's happy now... Did I tell you the story of how my first girlfriend - was killed in a drunk driving accident when she was in her 20's? She and I were girlfriend and boyfriend in elementary school... I was talking to a girl who went to school with us. I knew she liked me - still does. She basically told me that she knew that I loved Sheila and she couldn't compete with that. So I have let my guard down down completely to three women over the years.... two died and one totally ripped out my heart so I ask you why do you think I am waiting for the other shoe to drop?