words

I have to choose my words wisely. I have limited myself to be able to lose it in only two places now.... at night in bed and here in my words. I know (hope) someone is reading this and understanding.... I am in a state of slight confusion... Every time i set a date or event to give me any excuse to walk away or stop communication she redeems herself.... She has been completely straight with me - eager to go out. I am way over thinking this btw. I can be scary and I have been accused of being a stalker btw that was only one time - that time i got caught.... ( only kind of kidding here ) I amrealizing that i need help but and this - me writing here isn't helping. It' completely one sided. I wonder what she's thinking we are probably both on the fence with each other.... This question still is in the back of my head. Why did I stop communication with her the first time - and exactly how long ago was that? I know this has to be before the first solo trip to paris which was 2015. I can only reference it by the various dating apps It wasn't tinder or hinge.... so it had to be okcupid so we may be talking more than 2 years ago - this is weird. feel free to leave a comment ...... I need to know that someone is reading this.... I am ok really - i tried to vent on instagram and everyone got all freaked out. I want this to be anonymous.... or rather I want to not know who is reading this - rather i'd like my readers to remain anonymous