i am un stable - not right this minute but in general -
my mind i think is way too advanced for this feeble body i was given and sometimes i
tend to over stimulate just for stimulation purposes
i am an insomniac - since i started my job at the Beverly hills hotel - in 1999
i worked the graveyard shift and that turned me internal clock upside down
and it has not been the same since - well i give credit to my layoff - that i actually had 8 weeks to catch up on 9 years or erratic sleeping - and i think i got back half of those years - so i am here now - sleeping better but every six weeks or so i am dumped again into this black hole of non sleeping - usually the full moon triggers it - or some fucked up situation with one of my various stranger than normal relationships with the opposite sex - like with one word or phrase like " we are expecting a baby in august - you're going to be an uncle " and my whole week of good sleep is gone
so when i am not sleeping is usually the time i choose to isolate myself from the outside world = save work - i usually am holed up in my apt. now i use the fact that i am making less money as an excuse which is true - but not - well i am saving for my trip.....
and i am funny in the outside world and quite the crowd pleaser - but at home i am quiet.... i tend to push people away - i a min the process of doing that now - i guess being asked to move to the phillipines was the last red flag i needed ....
so this is me - or the me i am sharing through this blog - the few ppl who know the real me - have no issues dealing with my quirks - but the one who was the best at it i threw away our friendship over a year ago over some dumb shit - and its far from being able to be saved - so i know that very few of the ppl i come in contact with lately will kmake the trip with me to my next phase....
oh and if you ever hear me talking about going back to Morro Bay, California
please, please talk me out of it....
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