hitting bottom - there is only one way back up

i think i want to hit bottom - maybe
since the lay off - my decision making skills
or lack there of have been bad.....
but since i lived in the kitchen - i didn't have to make
any real world decisions - or ones that made any sense

my past few weeks have been reckless - to say the least
taking cues from bill clinton and all of my previous chefs
i am not " playing safe " and until now it didn't phase me
but today - it does
i'm in no position to support my self - let alone anyone else
or two other people - and i'm taking antibiotics - to get rid of this cough i've had since before thanksgiving

so needless to say -
i'm falling - out of control - i need to go (get) away for a while
but content to repeat these past few weeks

i have not been in a situation like this
since i quit the job in vegas and drove out to california
that lasted 7 months
7 months of semi employment - no sleep
and failed attempts of meditation

i hope i fare well -
and the new year brigs me a lot more answers
and options.