my own personal purgatory

" there is no after life, this is it... " Gregory House M.D.

i am thinking of my funeral again
i stopped wearing my seat belt
maybe if i continue they will cut off my feet
like - i can't even think of the word - for that operation...
oh snap amputation

i've been having dreams about my funeral again
like who's going to show up
who won't
i am listening to my vices again
my demons sit around me drinking beer
playing backgammon

wondering if that night i almost
pulled a gerald levert -
and didn't wake up
will happen again

i don't even remember what those pills were
when i took them - maybe one of them was vicodin
but other country strengths - like mexico strong
like u can buy these without a prescription -
twice the us dosage
strong
not too sure of the other two
and the wine, beer - and other etc's didn't help

so since then i stopped - pretty much everything
i guess a life or death scare - can and will change everything
you'd think the car accident after diggy's baptism would have
set my shit straight.....

so i think and dream about my funeral - and i'm sure we all have
i guess since life - is precious -
and not guaranteed - this is the fight we prepare for
but hope it never happens